It started with a migraine... Yellow Rhythmic Human

June 24, 2017

 

I feel reborn 

I AM REBORN

I have been through a Death process

I ventured into my personal Underworld yet again

And returned, retuned with Shining Eyes

 

My Homeopath gave me a remedy

And on Day 1 of the current wavespell

The Transformation Gateway

Blue Hand

I began my descent

 

www.medcape.com

 

It started with a Migraine

A crippling, all encompassing pain in my head

Years of unfelt emotion 

BOOMING in my brain

 

It took a little while to place

But then it clicked

 

My first conscious initiation began the same way

Yet it was my Mum’s head

I was 13 years old

And she unexpectedly died from a stroke

An explosive bleed in the brain

 

I’ve thrown buckets of love into this wound over the years

www.eligiblemagazine.com

 

Tenderly cleansing

Massaging the tears out 

Bringing all the parts of the scared little girl home

 

That scared little girl had already learned

Just like my Mum

That anger is not holy

And so, the angry part of the little girl

Was never found

 

All her tantrums

 Screams 

Feelings of 

RAGE

http://pkahill.com/tag/rage/

 

Were left with her

Growing into a STORM

 

Lucky for her

I’m up for it

Searching for it even

I've completely got her back

And I want to love her all the way back home

So I can be a Whole Human Being

I am committed to being whole

 

But FUCK ME

I did not expect the past 6 days

 

I am sad that my mum did not have the tools that I have gained

But I also know 

She fulfilled her mission

And is adventuring on a different page of life now

 

The next stage of my experience in the underworld

Involved a fiery fever

The SHAME which burned through my flesh

Throughout my childhood and to the present

 

I could never comprehend the deep shame that would bubble to the surface

https://mentalfaculties.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/shame-and-academic-darwinism/

 

The fear of being seen

The fear of being heard

The fear of intimacy

 

But as the parts of my personal puzzle return

I see

And I love the little girl within so tenderly

 

As the Shame Wave came

And sweated through my pores

I allowed myself to be loved

 

 

Two Beautiful Human Beings

One who has had her hand on my back for a long time

Held me close and gave me the mothering

I’d craved for years

And I let them

I was hurting and vulnerable

But finally safe

To allow all this fire to the surface of my skin

To transmute back into wave potential

 

Another layer then came up through my kidneys

Agonising back pain

SO PISSED OFF

 But can I say that?

It’s not spiritual to be pissed off!!
We’re meant to be all compassionate and loving

It’s all love, right?

 

LOL

 

Nah mate

People are dicks sometimes

And me too

And d’ya know what

It’s totally okay

 

It’s okay to be angry

To shout and stomp and say 

WHAT THE FUCK?!

You’ve really hurt me!!!!!!

 

Cause then

It's Honest

 

And honesty means no box of stifled emotion

And from that place

Healing and compassion and forgiveness are truly accessible

 

Part of my thing

Was a fear that I’d be abandoned or rejected if I got angry

Anger meant end of relationship

Anger meant I’d got hurt

Anger meant T.T.F.E

Ta Ta For EVER

 

But actually

Let’s reclaim Anger

And free ourselves from hate

Anger is healthy

And within an unconditionally loving relationship

Doesn't mean you're gonna be left alone

 www.tinybudda.com

 

 

"Even though I’m angry

I still love, honour and accept myself

 

Even though I’m angry

I still love, honour and accept the part of myself I’m seeing through you

 

Even though I’m angry

I still love, honour and accept you

 

And I let go of any resistance I have to that"

<3

 

With each of my steps through the forest of my underworld

I lovingly discovered another chink in my armour

Allowing me to pour in the love

And ease out of the defensive suit of heavy energy

 

I wasn’t yet out of the woods though

 

Next up...

Sickness and diarrhoea

 

So sick of being treated like shit

I couldn’t stomach the bullshit anymore

FUCK OFF

RWWAAAARRRR

 

Painful

Explosive

And exhausting

 

www.guysandgoodhealth.com 

 

By this point I just wanted it all to be over

So I started fighting internally

Before I was gently advised to surrender

And once I did I saw the truth

 

All the bullshitty ways I’ve been treated

Began with me

Treating myself in bullshitty ways

So not loving or respectful

How can I expect to create anything different on the external?

 

All these knowings

I knew

On another rung of the spiral

But to truly get it

We have to live it

Have the profound realisation in the midst of the experience

I am so deeply wowed by my process

By Our Process

Our gorgeous tapestry of experience

Where all colours

All materials

Have been weaved together to form Chronicles of Life

 

The most exciting adventure story ever written

The most profound spiritual experience

The most loving expression of Divinity ever actualised

 

My Heart Fire returned last night

I feel like had unknowingly gathered a big cloak of energy

That was clouding my vision and my connection

I could just see the mysteries through a tiny crack in the curtain

Last night

The curtain opened

And I came home again

As the Child of the Universe

www.pogdesign.co.uk

We All Are

 

We’ve come to live a Galactic Life

In Love

And harmony with all that is

Allowing the Great Mother

The Source of All

To be birthed through Us

 

We don’t need to control

We don’t need to study in an academy

We don’t need to DO anything

Just be

Listen

And allow

Follow the heart flutters

The super charged YES’s

And explore the super charged NO’s

The inner and the outer

Of the Great Cosmic Duality of this sacred experience

What a gift

 

And it feels so fucking good to remember that

 

All my love

Jyoti xx

 

 

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