# Reboot ~ Blue Electric Hand

September 7, 2017

 

I feel so amazing

That moment when you've just defeated an end of level baddie

As a good friend used to call it

And you then have all this space again

It's as if you're hearing and experiencing music for the first time

As if you're experiencing the Divinity of everything once again

 

The past few days have been really challenging

My eating disorder went KABOOM again

Because my emotions went KABOOM again

And I went into default coping

Instead of dropping into feeling

 

I cried at the foot of an ancient tree today

I sobbed my heart out

I didn't even realise I was sad

That's how strong the protector within me is

And I truly honor that part of me

But it's so safe to feel now

 

It wasn't in the past

But it truly is now

And I LOVE feeling

The juicy layers of emotion

Though painful are so incredible to experience

 

Humanity lived and experienced

In it's most potent form

 

I walked for miles

Despite an epic amount of resistance

Since I last wrote a blog

I have loved and I have lost

I met my Johnny Depp

I fell in love

And had to let it go

My Chocolat experience complete...

 

My belief system has once more been shaken to the core

Is love fated?

Or am I just clinging on to a disney inherited pair of rose tinted specs?

 

I haven't got a fucking clue mate

But I know how I feel

And what doesn't feel so good within the beliefs I carry

So that's what I'm working with ;)

 

It's such a polar time

On the one hand there's a deep, dull heartbreak reverberating

The fairytale set to flames in the background

Yet in the forefront

There's this amazing cosmically aligned manifestation coming into clarity

A dream manifesting before my eyes

 

In true Red Dragon form

I did not predict, I could not foresee

But my heart trusting has landed me here

To Hebden Bridge

Where I am soon to begin my work and study as a Steiner teacher

 

Reading this guys perspective is like reading my own writing

Learning that he was a buddy of Blavasky was the cherry atop

An esoteric pupil and teacher

Who desired to change the world

And saw little humans as souls embodied

Steiner and I share an uncanny amount of similarities

I'm excited to see what comes from this

 

A few weeks ago

I found myself in a Welsh field

Repeating an experience which has happened many times in my existence

I was unable to see the underpinning belief in the past

But now, with the help from a very special spirit mama

I was able to see...

 

I never felt that I belonged.

After my mum died, I didn't feel that I belonged anywhere in my family

In my home

In my life

And this would bubble up everytime I came into a community environment

Or when I danced with plant medicine

 

In previous times I swung into victim mode

Woe is me for being so rejected and not fitting in

When ACTUALLY

It was my inherent belief all along

And once that shifted...

I came HOME

 

I felt my place within the Tribe

I felt my bare feet on the earth

My messy hair

My naked wobbly body around the fire

My heart joy at being so close to Gaia

I came home to my wildness

And holy FUCK it felt amazing

 

The seed has been planted

And I know where I'm going

And I'm willing to do what it takes to get there

 

My mission with children is truly my mission with my inner child

For her and all of her comrades across the globe

I am committed

 

I don't know how but I know that we will create a space on the earth for children

For the Blue Monkey Divine Child

For the Heart

To be embodied once more upon the Earth

No more putting children to sleep with fearful chains around their hearts

No more pollution of the inner and outer world

 

Cause we're doing it!

We're healing it!

We're loving it!

We're loving ourselves... :)

We're remembering who we are

And we're not gonna give up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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